It makes him so tired and he just wants to stay awake for the time he has left. I have given him a couple close to bed time and he sleeps good. That's all he'll accept. He's ready to go and it's what he wants."It has to be hard on you to watch him this way. Isn't Mary coming over? She could give you some relief." I'm fine. This is what I want. What we both want. I knew what I would find when I came home. It's his time and he knows it. He wants to go to my mother. That's what he's looking toward."For some reason I broke down at that point. I don't know why it happened with Billy there but for some reason, her presence let me pour it all out. I just sank down onto the chair, my head between my arms on the table and cried. Deep breath catching sobs. I felt like a baby, unable to stop and unable to catch my breath. My shoulders were heaving and the pain of his impending death was almost more than I thought I could bear. I didn't remember when she put her arms around me but as I calmed. It just made matters worse. Were they tears of joy, or tears of confusion, worry, or what? I should have been jumping up and down with joy, but the doubts refused to go away. I put the clothes In the laundry room, and opened the case of clay. My intent was to focus on my sculpture but the drawing I was basing the piece on, of Jennifer, of course, kept coming to life on me. I not only saw her, I heard her voice, felt her lips on mine and her body next to me. This was not going to work if I didn’t work things out in my mind. I had to either come to grips or go home just to get away from her and the situation I found myself in. The phone rang again but my hands were covered with wet clay so I let the machine take it. ‘Sherri, It’s Jenn, are you there? Oh damn, never mind.’ I did some deep breathing exercises and finally got enough composure to begin forming the piece. She’d been right about the clay. The difference was amazing. Of course, the subject matter had something to do with.
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